Riding The Grief Wave: Resources to Help Children Heal
Grief and loss are hard concepts for adults to process.
But when caring for kids, many adults struggle with how much to say, when to talk and how to honor the loved one and the little one’s unique stories without overwhelming anyone.
Thankfully many people have done research on working with children who have experienced loss and there are great resources available for parents and professionals who want to create the space for healing. While not all children will need therapeutic intervention after a loss, there are benefits to seeing a professional to learn some of the signs that more support is needed and to have a safe space for you the adult to process your own feelings around the loss.
It’s not uncommon for professionals, who don’t have a personal connection to the loss to experience an emotional reaction as you support a child who is grieving, aside from simple empathy, seeing pain can have cause compassion fatigue when being the strong support for others begins to wear you down.
Three things all adults can benefit from when helping children through grief.
Do be age appropriately honest with children, use real words like death and dying and not things like sleeping or gone away, as kids can be confused and even scared by the language that is not accurate.
Do expect that behavior can change in various ways or not at all. Children respond to loss in their own time and their own way. You may notice them being more pensive or asking questions repeatedly as they process what this change really means within their life. Be aware of significant changes that may signal that they are struggling and need outside support. Signs to look out for:
Nightmares
Beliefs that the world is generally unsafe
Irritability, anger and moodiness
Poor concentration
Appetite or sleep issues
Behavior problems
Nervousness about people getting too close
Jumpiness from loud noises
Regression to earlier behavior in young children, such as: clinging, bed-wetting or thumb-sucking
Difficulty sleeping
Detachment or withdrawal from others
Use of alcohol or drugs in teens
Functional impairment: Inability to go to school, learn, play with friends, etc.
Do take care of yourself. Your healing can be impacted while watching your child do the same. Be aware of your own moods and accept the help that is often offered by friends and family. It’s okay to let someone come over and do the dishes or even to use paper plates while you save your energy for hard conversations that are to come.
Do make use of available resources and don’t go it alone. I generally recommend starting with your primary care doctor, as they can give you recommendations that are usually covered by your insurance. Check below are some books and websites that can help as well.